i = frreak
i don't know how to put this, but i am a freak. i guess most are. some are not. i happen to be one who hides it pretty well. like most of us, i assume.
i have spent my twenties ramping up my freak factor to the point that i can see the landscape pretty well, and it's not all that interesting. i knows what i wants and i like liking what i likes.
but still lingering is my lack of judgment when it comes to random sexxual indulgence. we're not talking hoo-ahs. hoo-ahs, as italian-americans in movies and some in real life call them, are not a big part of my repetoire. in all honesty, i've been to two. one was a mistake, the other was i don't know... liberating. i obviously have mixed feelings abotu "ssupporting sex workers." i feel worse when i think about the women i've treated somewhat like horres. you know you don't like them but you spend spend spend on them in terms of ATTENTION and TIME and MONEY and FALSE EMOTION to get that sweet tang. that is bad. i don't ever want to do taht again.
But going to a woman who gives blowjobs for a living in a safe environment and paying her for a blowjob? i don't see how i'm supposeed feel bad about that. i guess i'm "creating the demand" but if i don't, someone else will. there is NO FUCKING WAY some future utopia will have solved the problem of demand for sex work.
so the moral of part one of this blog entry? i have bene to horres a couple tiems in the past. it is expensive but sometimes soemwhat satifsying. i don't feel bad aboujt this.
i feel bad, howver, about the amount of money i blow on phone sex. yeah, i'm one of those guys. it's easy to hide that shit. expeciallllyyyy if one lives alone for any period of time. or just has the apt to himself a bit. in my younger days i'd spend countelss hours trolling yahoo chat or some other sleazy venue for willing (free) f4emale phonesex participants. despite occasional successes, some with long-term dividiends, i decided the suupply genearlly didn't meet my demand. sooo i gave that up for the instant gratification of pay-for-play-play phone sex. (hereafter, p4ppps.) p4ppps is not awesome, but it gets the job done. it can be relatively cheap - relative to going to a whorrse or a strip club, but not relative to a j/o booth. (YUCK! i've totally been to those too. haha)
soo what is my point? why do i feel bad about this? ahh because it represents my lack of self-control. over the last coupla weeks, for instance, i've just let loose and not cared or tried to limit my consumption of p4ppps minutes. it's hit my wallet. or my bank account, more like. if i can't stop this, i will never save money. that's the bottom line. so dear readers, all of whom are now ENCHANTED with my "fucking loser: side, will now get a blow-by-blow (or rather fap by fap) acocunt of my accounting. today: no p4ppps so far. update tomrorow. and the next and the next ad vomitorium.
i have spent my twenties ramping up my freak factor to the point that i can see the landscape pretty well, and it's not all that interesting. i knows what i wants and i like liking what i likes.
but still lingering is my lack of judgment when it comes to random sexxual indulgence. we're not talking hoo-ahs. hoo-ahs, as italian-americans in movies and some in real life call them, are not a big part of my repetoire. in all honesty, i've been to two. one was a mistake, the other was i don't know... liberating. i obviously have mixed feelings abotu "ssupporting sex workers." i feel worse when i think about the women i've treated somewhat like horres. you know you don't like them but you spend spend spend on them in terms of ATTENTION and TIME and MONEY and FALSE EMOTION to get that sweet tang. that is bad. i don't ever want to do taht again.
But going to a woman who gives blowjobs for a living in a safe environment and paying her for a blowjob? i don't see how i'm supposeed feel bad about that. i guess i'm "creating the demand" but if i don't, someone else will. there is NO FUCKING WAY some future utopia will have solved the problem of demand for sex work.
so the moral of part one of this blog entry? i have bene to horres a couple tiems in the past. it is expensive but sometimes soemwhat satifsying. i don't feel bad aboujt this.
i feel bad, howver, about the amount of money i blow on phone sex. yeah, i'm one of those guys. it's easy to hide that shit. expeciallllyyyy if one lives alone for any period of time. or just has the apt to himself a bit. in my younger days i'd spend countelss hours trolling yahoo chat or some other sleazy venue for willing (free) f4emale phonesex participants. despite occasional successes, some with long-term dividiends, i decided the suupply genearlly didn't meet my demand. sooo i gave that up for the instant gratification of pay-for-play-play phone sex. (hereafter, p4ppps.) p4ppps is not awesome, but it gets the job done. it can be relatively cheap - relative to going to a whorrse or a strip club, but not relative to a j/o booth. (YUCK! i've totally been to those too. haha)
soo what is my point? why do i feel bad about this? ahh because it represents my lack of self-control. over the last coupla weeks, for instance, i've just let loose and not cared or tried to limit my consumption of p4ppps minutes. it's hit my wallet. or my bank account, more like. if i can't stop this, i will never save money. that's the bottom line. so dear readers, all of whom are now ENCHANTED with my "fucking loser: side, will now get a blow-by-blow (or rather fap by fap) acocunt of my accounting. today: no p4ppps so far. update tomrorow. and the next and the next ad vomitorium.
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